jump to navigation

PARAPROSDOKIANS June 12, 2011

Posted by bobv451 in business, contest, conventions, e-books, iPad, VIPub, writing.
trackback

Here is the definition: “Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation.”

“Where there’s a will, I want to be in it,” is a type of paraprosdokian.

1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.
3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good Evening,’ and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, ‘In case of emergency, notify:’
I put ‘DOCTOR.’
13. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way.
So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
19. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
20. There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down
so they can’t get away.
21. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
22. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call
whatever you hit the target.
24. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
26. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.
28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.
29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of
lemon, and a shot of tequila.
30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire
Department usually uses water.

The above compliments of Ken Hodgson.

Avail yourselves of my fine fiction while I’m on the road–it can be found at my store and the other usual suspects. Amazon, Barnes & Noble, iTunes Bookstore, Fictionwise

I leave you with the banner Dennis Liberty is making for me to use at Albuquerque Comic Expo.

Cenotaph Corproate Logo

Advertisements

Comments»

1. Al Ellis - June 12, 2011

Great Post. I loved every one of these.
Al

2. Merlyn - June 19, 2011

1) I like the Cenotaph logo.
2) Also fun in a similar vein as paraprosdokian is the chiasmus.

“The function of the imagination is not to make strange things settled, so much as to make settled things strange.” — G.K. Chesterton

“The first half of life consists of the capacity to enjoy without the chance; the last half consists of the chance without the capacity.” — Mark Twain

bobv451 - June 20, 2011

I am lost after the explanation at Wikipedia. For the discerning amongst you:
These examples are often quoted by modern commentators to demonstrate chiasmus, although they are defined as antimetabole in the classical sense.

* “Who sheds the blood of a man, by a man shall his blood be shed…” Genesis 9:6

Me, I’m pretty much in the chiaroscuro.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: